Checking on the ability to blog from my phone and from.... Haiti!
That's right, the countdown begins! T minus 12 days!
Friday, August 20, 2010
An Emotional Roller-coaster
This week has been a tough one. Aside from issues at work and issues on the homefront, it is a somber week. Three years ago on August 19, my mother in law was found dead. The details are not for posting on a blog, however it was a shock.
As with any death, especially a sudden one, there are so many questions that are left unanswered. Every year I keep remembering the last conversation I had with her. It plays through in my mind like a bad movie that I can't stop. I feel guilt covering me like a blanket because she asked me to do something and I couldn't. Then I feel anger ripping the guilt blanket off and boiling my blood. Why you ask? The one and only time that I listened to my husband, was the one time my mother in law needed me, just me. I didn't help her. I never spoke to her again.
I often wonder what would have happened if I helped her out. Would that have changed anything? It's so hard to tell. We had been in a situation like that one previously and helped her to the best of our abilities (my husband and myself). But we were young, we could only do so much.
So in addition to the memories of my mother in law, work has been nuts! I know that something amazing must be happening because things are really crappy right now. I spent the better half of today in tears and frustrated. All I want to do is take a risk. Jump into the pool feet first. I want to follow my passion, yet I don't even know what it is. At this point I just want to run away and be somewhere new where I don't know anyone and I can reinvent myself...
An emotional roller coaster, such is my life, for now anyways
As with any death, especially a sudden one, there are so many questions that are left unanswered. Every year I keep remembering the last conversation I had with her. It plays through in my mind like a bad movie that I can't stop. I feel guilt covering me like a blanket because she asked me to do something and I couldn't. Then I feel anger ripping the guilt blanket off and boiling my blood. Why you ask? The one and only time that I listened to my husband, was the one time my mother in law needed me, just me. I didn't help her. I never spoke to her again.
I often wonder what would have happened if I helped her out. Would that have changed anything? It's so hard to tell. We had been in a situation like that one previously and helped her to the best of our abilities (my husband and myself). But we were young, we could only do so much.
So in addition to the memories of my mother in law, work has been nuts! I know that something amazing must be happening because things are really crappy right now. I spent the better half of today in tears and frustrated. All I want to do is take a risk. Jump into the pool feet first. I want to follow my passion, yet I don't even know what it is. At this point I just want to run away and be somewhere new where I don't know anyone and I can reinvent myself...
An emotional roller coaster, such is my life, for now anyways
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Elephant you say? Why yes I do!
So here is my feeble attempt at blogging. I figure, everyone else is doing it, why not me? But what sets me apart from every other blogger around? Why should you read my blog, why should you care, why should you comment? I have no answer to any of those questions. I figured anyone who stopped on by to read would tell me!
I am a simple woman, have 2 kids, A (a 10 year old girl) and G (an 8 year old boy). I am a full time nurse and sometimes (ok many of the times), I feel like Hubby ( of 11 years) constitutes as another full time job!
What is my passion, you ask? What does a simple nurse living what one could call the "American Dream" have to write that should take up space on the internet? Try this one on for size. My passion is social justice, and I think I am a switched at birth Haitian child! Ok, so I was not switched at birth, and I am not of Haitian descent. But I do volunteer my time in Haiti, often working in mobile medical clinics.
Yes, I spent 1 month after the earthquake working in Haiti ( look for my book coming out through Blurb! Plug for myself!) and no, I did not go to Chile when I came back to help down there. I have a relationship, a connection if you will with people in Haiti. It is like my second home. I know that I can not change the world as a whole, so I am working one person at a time.
That being said, I will be sharing tidbits of my life in America, photos of it too, and thoughts and experiences on what is going on in the world today.
Why so much with the Elephant? You really want an explanation? Don't you want to leave a bit of mystery surrounding the title and Blog name? No, are you sure? Ok, I'll explain it. It's a quirky story, but I'm a quirky gal.
Growing up I was always one of the tall ones. You know those girls, tall and of course naturally athletic, perfect for basketball. Isn't that why God made me tall? To be the token black person in an all white town on their basketball team? Perhaps due to my darker hue or maybe it was because I ignored most of the ignorant adults, teachers did not think highly of me or my mental abilities. (Don't worry, this is not a Lisbeth Salander situation!) But I never forgot my formative years and what people said to me and about me. I think it was about middle school when my love for the elephant begun. For some reason I felt a kin to it. There it was, a big goofy thing that would be beat down in a circus and still perform beautifully! A gentle creature that carried it's baby for 2 years ( and we all think 9 months is bad!). To boot, a smart creature! One who never forgets. I aligned with the elephant.
Now that I am grown, I am a bit more wise and realize that people can say whatever but I do not need to accept what they label me as. Now I want a memory like an elephant, I want to remember each and every moment of life. Perhaps its that my kids are growing up. What better way to remember than to photograph each day? Maybe each day is a far stretch, but I am working on it! My camera and I are becoming very close, so close I would build it its own bed next to mine!
I think that is it in a nutshell....For now anyways. Tomorrow is another day
I am a simple woman, have 2 kids, A (a 10 year old girl) and G (an 8 year old boy). I am a full time nurse and sometimes (ok many of the times), I feel like Hubby ( of 11 years) constitutes as another full time job!
What is my passion, you ask? What does a simple nurse living what one could call the "American Dream" have to write that should take up space on the internet? Try this one on for size. My passion is social justice, and I think I am a switched at birth Haitian child! Ok, so I was not switched at birth, and I am not of Haitian descent. But I do volunteer my time in Haiti, often working in mobile medical clinics.
Yes, I spent 1 month after the earthquake working in Haiti ( look for my book coming out through Blurb! Plug for myself!) and no, I did not go to Chile when I came back to help down there. I have a relationship, a connection if you will with people in Haiti. It is like my second home. I know that I can not change the world as a whole, so I am working one person at a time.
That being said, I will be sharing tidbits of my life in America, photos of it too, and thoughts and experiences on what is going on in the world today.
Why so much with the Elephant? You really want an explanation? Don't you want to leave a bit of mystery surrounding the title and Blog name? No, are you sure? Ok, I'll explain it. It's a quirky story, but I'm a quirky gal.
Growing up I was always one of the tall ones. You know those girls, tall and of course naturally athletic, perfect for basketball. Isn't that why God made me tall? To be the token black person in an all white town on their basketball team? Perhaps due to my darker hue or maybe it was because I ignored most of the ignorant adults, teachers did not think highly of me or my mental abilities. (Don't worry, this is not a Lisbeth Salander situation!) But I never forgot my formative years and what people said to me and about me. I think it was about middle school when my love for the elephant begun. For some reason I felt a kin to it. There it was, a big goofy thing that would be beat down in a circus and still perform beautifully! A gentle creature that carried it's baby for 2 years ( and we all think 9 months is bad!). To boot, a smart creature! One who never forgets. I aligned with the elephant.
Now that I am grown, I am a bit more wise and realize that people can say whatever but I do not need to accept what they label me as. Now I want a memory like an elephant, I want to remember each and every moment of life. Perhaps its that my kids are growing up. What better way to remember than to photograph each day? Maybe each day is a far stretch, but I am working on it! My camera and I are becoming very close, so close I would build it its own bed next to mine!
I think that is it in a nutshell....For now anyways. Tomorrow is another day
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